Oprah says it well “If you focus on what you do not have you will never have enough.” We have more than ever before but we live our lives in a state of lack. There’s a world of abundance and an attitude of lack. Not enough sleep, not enough work, not enough hours in the day, not enough weekend, not enough love, not enough food, not enough money! Lack focuses on insufficiency rather than sufficiency.
Comparison is a thief
Comparison fuels a mindset focused on lack. I think a good exercise to do is log onto social media and notice how you respond to other people’s photos. Did a photo of your two friends pop up and in your heart you said, “Where was my invite? They always leave me out.” “That person is always on amazing holidays, they must be rich I wish I could afford… I must work harder” “They have the best body… I need to stop eating!!” “They have the coolest group of friends, none of my friends are that cool… I need to get cooler”.
A change of pace
It has been amazingly refreshing to get off the treadmill of life. I was living a busy life, running but not actually getting anywhere. It has been an amazing 5 months of no work and a time of focusing on self-development. As you know it wasn’t easy to make room for this 9 months of no work but I have seen how rewarding it is to take time out and find out what it actually means for me to live a wholehearted life. As soon as I made space the thoughts of lack have become less and less and I have been more of a magnet for opportunity and good things. The lie we believe is that if we focus on what we don’t have this will motivate us to work harder. We believe that if we hate ourselves enough we will improve. But then when we do make improvements it’s never good enough and we are too blind to see the improvements.
Learning to change my focus
What I have noticed is that when I am so focused on punishing myself for what I have done wrong, I will always be able to find more reasons to punish myself. I become so inward focused that I attract more negative things because I am looking for the negative in myself. The reason I got into debt was because I would attract problems all the time and then I would avoid the problems and they would become BIGGER problems. Then I would go into damage control trying to put out fires, but the fires always came back because my core value about money was that there is never enough.
What motivates me?
There are two great motivators in life. FEAR and LOVE. Fear motivates through fear of loss, fear of missing out, fear of being misunderstood. Fear motivates us to control the outcome so when we are put in an unfamiliar circumstance we clutch at anything to bring back control while strangling the people around us in the process. When did it become ok to believe that agreeing with fear would be the most productive choice? Fear is more likely to lead to destructive and hurtful behaviours rather than the solution.
Choosing love over fear
I have noticed that there is a voice out there that says if your not freaking out about something then you don’t care. When did fear and anxiety become the measure for your care factor? I have found that I am my most productive, most creative and most solution based when I am peaceful. How do I find peace? I pursue love. Loving myself when I make a mistake rather than abusing myself has caused me to make less mistakes and make better life choices. Love is far more powerful than fear. Love says I am worthy of love and belonging. We just have to flick the switch in our brain and choose to agree with that.
When I choose love, I choose trust. It doesn’t mean I sit on the couch and drink coffee ‘willing’ good things to come my way. Choosing love means I make choices in a place of peace. I can see clearly because I am not haunted by the imaginary voices in my head of what other people think.
Thankfulness is agreement that life is good
When I find myself going in a fear spiral I catch myself and climb my way out of the pit with thanksgiving. I practice thanksgiving everyday. It takes my eyes off what’s NOT happening and keeps me encouraged on what good has happened. As a result my thanksgiving has turned into an agreement I have made with life – that it is GOOD! My expectation is that good things are going to happen. It keeps me from dress rehearsing failure and keeps me away from comparing my life with other people.